changing leaves: december in review (a bit late to publication, but written on the 30th of December !)
There’s always a point in December where I am under the impression that there is nothing better than the joy of Christmas. The lights, the carols, the people and the warm glow of shops late at night, filled with the bustling stress of last minute Christmas shopping. Whilst yes, christmas is an excuse to bring family together, it’s also a commercialised holiday which has been exploited on the basis on consumerism and capitalism celebrating the birth one Jesus Christ. I can’t help but feel vaguely ambivalent towards it. Despite this Christmas lights never fail to spark joy within me.
moments that made me smile:
- London: meeting old friends + wonderful new people ! Late night walks in the dark and the dango from Japan Centre I am convinced I manifested into sight/radar.
- A lovely vendor sold us mulled wine. Considering our age, we were albeit slightly surprised. We later found out it was non-alcoholic.
- December always seems to be the month I fall back in love with movement. Walking, erratic dancing, ice skating (I was pleasantly surprised by the level of skill of some of my friends displayed, it seems those roller discos payed off) – the third time ice skating, we formed a coup and were on a dead set mission to eliminate one of them. Thankfully, successfully – mission accomplished! He fell over around 6 times. Hopefully he will stop mansplaining in English now.
- Listening to music whilst walking around school: throughout December this was admittedly a collocation of Phoebe Bridgers’ annual christmas songs. Looking out onto rooftops covered with snow.
I have been thinking a lot about friendships lately. The evolution and nuanced complexities of human relationships, circumstances I didn’t have to think about at 14. Though, now coming up to ‘dancing queen’ age, I sadly fail to purge these thoughts from existence. This month I’ve learned to come to better terms with loss, love and evolving friendship.
On moving on:
The intrinsic nature of friendship, to me is such that it requires constant, conscious yet ingrained evaluation – leading to natural habits. The philosophy of ‘if you do not benefit from it, and if you do not feel good doing it – simply don’t do it’ is something I have thus far lived by. Applying this to people as well I have found to be the best way to understand, compartmentalise and manage my time. Make friends with those who lift you up, who you can talk to until ridiculous hours in the morning and laugh until your stomach hurts, pick up right where you left off 2 years on. Hold onto them. Simultaneously, drop anyone who doesn’t make you feel you uplifted/good- you’ve got better things to do.
I lie in bed staring up at the gap between the grey curtain and single glazed window sill in London as I write this and look at the light in the night that shines down on Basewater tube station and the old lady walking her cat, set to the backdrop of the incessant wail of a Nissan micra – I’ve half a mind to stop the alarm myself, though that would require me to commit a crime. Watching the still bottom folds of the curtian, it is here where I seem to be stuck in a holding space, time ceases to be.